Over the last few months I’ve heard myself saying ‘I have to do…’ a number times. Mostly outside of work but still related to work. Out of all of the things I’ve said ‘I have to’ about, the majority would not be considered real have to’s. But that’s how I’ve masked them.
Saying ‘I have to’ is an easy way of trying to justify to someone else that you need to work. It’s became my way of putting down my foot with regards to that other commitments also must to be looked after outside of the normal office hours. A way for me to get a bit of Anna time, own work time or getting out of conversations of why I’m yet again working. I’ve used it towards D, friends and family but it hasn’t been completely true. Saying ‘I have to…’ is the lazy way out implying that you don’t have a choice other than getting what ever it is done. But that’s often not true. We almost always have a choice and can either say no or choose differently.
Towards the end of last week I read an article on the Harvard Business Review blog called If You Don’t Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will. The article is amongst other things about how the author, Greg McKeown, believed he had to attend a particular meeting and there’s a quote that sums up why saying ‘I have to’ is not always fair on the receiver:
Every time we say, “I have to take this call” or “I have to send this piece of work off” or “I have to go to this client meeting,” we are assuming that previous commitments are nonnegotiable.
Greg’s point is that by using a different language and avoid saying ‘I have to’ we not only make it clearer to ourselves and the person we’re talking to that this is choice we’re making, but it also reminds us about just that and can help us make different choices.
Many of us, myself including, could do with becoming better at saying no and the more we do it the easier it becomes. Starting by letting the language we use reflect the actual priorities we’re making can be a good first step, helping us identify when to say no more and getting our actual priorities straight.
Tomorrow – Day 187 | A detox for the body and mind
Image source: www.flickr.com/photos/superamit/1043379069
