I’ve got a friend from back home staying at the moment and yesterday we gathered the girls and had dinner over at ours. Some of them hadn’t seen each other in a really long time and as we chatted through what’s happened since last time, four themes emerged.
Making the big decisions in life
My friend who is staying with me used to live in London but moved back home a couple of years ago. So did one of the other girls but she has since ended up back in London again. Though we’re in the same walk of life we’re at slightly different phases. Each of us have had significant changes in our lives in the last 1-2 years, changes based on the big decisions like where to live, who to be with and where to work. They aren’t always easy but when it comes to the questions that matters you often know deep down if you’re on the right path or not. Rationalising it can lead you down a road that isn’t the right one, and quite often the road that looks less good on paper is the one that actually makes us happier.
The value of good friendships
Living abroad/away from home there are many people we don’t see or speak to as often as we would like to. Living in a big city like London also means that meeting up isn’t always as easy or frequent as we’d like. There are so many things that make up our days and when work is done there’s only a couple of hours left in the day. With everyone having their own plans, commitments, trips etc. during the weekend, finding a time that works can often mean planning a few weeks in advance.
Having lived away from friends and family back home for a long time, and in different parts of a big city here in London, I’ve come to value my friendships more than before. Particularly the ones where you meet up and it never matters how much time that have passed. It always feels like you met yesterday. There is little that beats good friends and, as the quote below states, it’s important to make time for them.
…when we do see our friends, we realise this: those meaningful relationships that have been so vital over the years, still are. Having a space to discuss our problems, laugh and analyse with those that aren’t partners or family, is essential. And we need to make more time for it.
From the Emerald Street post How often have you seen your friends this week?
Deciding where to be right now
Deciding where to live can be one of the trickest things in life. The Swedish party of the dinner last night have all been through the mind turmoil that living abroad and being with a partner from a different country means. To some the longing to go back home became so strong that they moved. For me it hasn’t yet but I also knew that in order to “make it” in London I needed a place that would become a home. Not just a place where the landlord paints over the mold and goes “Problem fixed”.
I often get asked when I’m going to move back to Sweden and the answer is that I don’t know. I’ve stopped trying to plan because life has its own way of taking you places. I ended up making myself unhappy trying to figure it out and giving empty promises to friends and family that gave them hope and then let them down.
Each of us girls from last night have our plans of where we are going to be in the future. Where we are right now is not necessarily where we will be. But, one of the most important things that I’ve learnt, particularly during the last six years in London, is that you need to live in the moment. Decide on where you are right now and commit to making something out of it. It goes for where you live, where you work to what ever you do. Plan ahead but don’t try to plan it too much. You need to give some room for life to guide you.
Building your future
With one of the girls now living back home in Sweden the inevitable comparison of quality of life came up in conversation. All of us work really hard. Some of us are still doing really long hours. Some of us have finally managed to cut them down into a normal working week.
I’ve written quite a lot about priorities and making decisions and the nice thing about getting a little bit older and wiser is that you learn that you can put down boundaries. Boundaries for the number of hours that you’re going to work. Boundaries in terms of what’s important to you and decisions on what you are going to focus on.
If we are to build the future we want to have, making sure that we give time to the things that will get us there is key.
Tomorrow – Day 119 | A little sentimental but feeling happy
Image source: www.flickr.com/photos/libbyandnicki/6830757913
